“Show me a good loser and I’ll show you a loser.” ~Vincent Lombardi

“Always turn a negative situation into a positive situation.” ~Michael Jordan

My morning run typically ends at a park. Given that summer has just started more than a few dozen kids can be found running around and playing on any given morning. In between sets, (pushups/pullups) I notice that seemingly everywhere kids are competing; racing on foot, racing on bikes (one tiny kid had a bike that didn’t even have peddles and was racing!) everywhere I looked kids were playing tag, soccer, etc. Then, it spilled out of my mouth; jaw dropped, ipod blaring in my ears, “duh, (i said to me) competition IS natural.”

News flash! It’s human nature to compete. However, somewhere between when I was six years old and my daughter turned six we became “NICE”. You know, no winners and no losers. “Don’t worry Jimmy, just feel good.” Sarah, (who scored 3 goals) looks confused as we explain why she didn’t actually win. “there are no winners Sarah.”

While there are many larger societal challenges at the moment this one is on my radar. When and WHY did we decide we could reverse thousands of years of competitive evolution and teach kids NOT to compete? Does anyone think Sarah really believes there are no winners? Who thinks the Olympic games are going to disappear anytime soon? Guess what, kids know better instinctively.

Our attempts to shelter our kids from this NATURAL and very REAL existence of competition (yes, there are actually winners and losers) is doing them a disservice and I think our collective good intentions are misdirected. First, it’s the wrong message. we shouldn’t be telling them there are no winners or losers. We should be teaching them and coaching them about HOW to compete, HOW to win, and yes, HOW to lose and even WHY competition is healthy and positive.

Breeds excellence

I’m pretty sure we all recognize competition literally breeds excellence. Is there an ugly side to competition? You bet. However, what we may be missing with each great LOSS is the lesson. Somebody once said,”when you lose, don’t lose the lesson.”

BTW: A “good” loser is really the opposite of Lombardi’s quote above. Let me explain. Lombardi is saying show me a loser who is “good” = used to and accepts losing and I’ll show you a “real” loser. That’s is entirely different from what a truly “GOOD” loser is. In fact, a good loser is Michael Jordan for instance. Yes. Pick yourself up off the floor.

“What!?” you declare “Jordan is one of the greatest winners on the planet! He has six championship rings” You retort. Correct. And how do you think he got that way? Via many, (in fact a lifetime) of loses… Never forget the road to Winnersville is paved by painful and bumpy stones and loses.

Why do you think Jordan’s quote is up above as well? A “GOOD” loser as he points out ( again, he’s the best there was) is a tough minded-optimist who does NOT like to lose (can’t stand losing) and is able to take the lessons (learn from the lessons) from any loss to become a winner. He did that pretty well I’d say. Indeed, this is the only way anyone becomes a “winner” via losing. In fact, there is no such thing as a winner – only a good loser who became a winner.

This is why telling our kids there is no loser is, dare i say, pretty stupid. Learn from losing PARENTS! Teach your kids the lessons. Good parenting is Good Coaching. (Can’t wait to see that bumper sticker). Good parenting is good coaching.

Competition is far better for the loser in my estimation than the winner, given the correct mindset. What is the correct mindset? Losing is temporary. Just like winning is and just like life is. In the context of time we can appreciate the ephemeral nature of any lose and find the lesson. See Churchill below. Your life(time) is dynamic and not a static event. How many times has the failed Olympian rallied back after losing in a prior Olympic games? I think we have all heard the story about Jordan’s INABILITY to make his high school basketball team.

A tough minded LOSER ensures a healthy champion. Unless this is the Serengeti and we’re dealing with lions and antelope losing has a transcendent nature and therefore can afford us fantastic benefits.

How are your recent loses affecting you? Are they beating you down or firing you up?

It’s never been about the one with the raw talent that becomes the very best. It’s always about the one with a chip on their shoulder (something to prove, most importantly to themselves) spurred by past loses, failures, humiliations. The one who challenges themselves and positively changes their internal chemistry for ultimate success.

life is a process… winning is a process…. losing is a prerequisite.

THE REAL LESSON
Success is not final, failure is not fatal: it is the courage to continue that counts. ~Winston Churchill

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for the love of GOD, people, please stop looking for “secrets”… stop looking for shortcuts. I take that back. Go ahead look for shortcuts all you like. But the only secret is that you don’t realize you have the answers within.

watch this video – please. don’t do it for me, do it for you / your loved ones. ten minutes. that’s it. If you take the message to heart i GUARANTEE it will have a lifetime affect on you as it did on my over ten years ago. (of course, i’ve probably listened now a few hundred times since-i’m a slow learner) Then, I gave it to a number of friends (this is when it was on cassette tape!).

if you put in the ten minutes listening to this message you’ll see how timeless it is. You control ONLY ONE thing – your thoughts. How you think habitually and what you think about you ultimately become. Another gem… conformity rules. “the opposite of courage is not cowardice, it’s conformity.” Consider that for a minute, those we admire simply have found/developed the habit of COURAGE. And, like any other habit it’s developed over time.

what do you think about habitually?

what does your ideal future look like? (see The 3 C’s of Succcess)

what habits of (thought and action) have you developed to make your vision a reality?

enjoy. my prescription is to watch this about once a month for the next year.

until next time,

~mws

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“What is a cynic?
A man who knows the price of everything and the value of nothing.”

I read a magazine article today about cynicism, and it really got me thinking. The author basically stated that the reason that men fail in their endeavors is an abundance of cynicism. And of course the cynics in us all are automatically skeptical of this statement, but he further goes on to ask us to stop and see if we can think of ONE successful cynic. Just one. It’s damn near impossible.

Incredibly successful people, whether they’re actors, entertainers, athletes or just general moguls, all share one thing: a sincere belief in themselves and in other people. It’s not enough just to be self-confident and self-sufficient. To be successful also requires that you sincerely believe in the good of mankind.
The article features a quiz that helps you to determine your cynicism level; giving statements and asking you to agree or disagree with them. So, for example, “People pretend to care about others more than they really do care,” and then you either get to agree/disagree.

I figure most people would come out at the higher end of the cynic-spectrum because we live in a cynical world and a cynical society. And, why shouldn’t we be, right?

It’s always so  much easier to act like we don’t give a damn. To blame others’ success on luck. To say, “screw the government” because it’s all corrupt. The article lists that in 2009, “only 22 percent of Americans trusted the financial system.” Doesn’t that make sense though, given that we experienced the royal financial screw-up that was the year 2008? A healthy bit of skepticism is definitely warranted but where do we cross the line? Where does it go from, “Hmm, that’s pretty wack but it’ll probably get better,” to “I knew this financial system would screw up some day, the government can’t do anything right. We’ll be stuck here for at least another ten years.”

Mike Zimmerman, the author talks about his interview with Matthew McConaughey and the dude is pretty intelligent. He manages to perfectly describe cynics in that “[they] put their finger on the disease before they put it on health. It’s the easy way to go.” After the interview, Zimmerman goes on to show images of David Beckham, Mark Wahlberg and a few other big names and states that their number one success secret: “a sincere belief in sincere belief.”

So to conclude Zimmerman’s message, in order to be truly successful in any aspect of life, financial, family, educational, you’ve got to let the cynicism go. All of it.

McConaughey concluded his interview by sharing that most people when they get stuck in a tough spot start to think ” ‘I got screwed, that should’ve been mine.’ ” Conversely, his lifelong mantra is “Just keep livin.’” And not only has he done that, he’s made some stacks along the way.
Less Zimmerman, more me. Cynic is just a fancy name for a Hater. And the thing is, a Hater doesn’t mean to “Hate,” per se, but a Hater just remains ever so sarcastic about everything in life. Like when someone tells you about their ideas and plans, and because they seem a little farfetch’d HATER regards them as “stupid” for thinking they could accomplish anything great.

In fact, you may be rolling your eyes and chuckling to yourself right now as some sort of sick, comforting habit. Since it’s actually YOU whose too scared to dream big. Good work! You’ve actually paralyzed yourself via your own continued sarcasm and “haterness”. Damn, I made up a word.

Look who’s talking though, I’m the biggest cynic I know. Irony, can be the best teacher.

This post has opened me up a bit. When I was a psychology student, I wanted to learn what made people tick. What made people do the stupid sh*t that they did, why I felt hurt sometimes for sh*t that I shouldn’t. Why this, why that. But I’ve begun to think that none of that sh*t matters, that it’s best to have a dream, have faith, and be good to people, with sincere hopes and expectations that they will be good to you. What have we got to lose?

So the next time someone comes at you with a project they’re starting — that they’re enthusiastic about, why not share the enthusiasm? Why not get inspired to do some crazy stuff yourself? Christopher Wallace (RIP) once said that in order to change the world we have to change ourselves. I’m working on me, what about you?

Guest Post by: Haris Fazlani

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~ John Wooden

Whether you like basketball or even know what a basketball is — chances are you will love this man! At 98, John Wooden is still regarded a quick wit and sage to many players, coaches and friends seek his friendship and counsel. To give you a little flavor, this from the same article referenced above.

“When asked about the keys to successful aging, Coach was quick to respond: stay busy, stay active, enjoy every day like it is your masterpiece, have some variety and try to learn something new every day,” Castel said. “One of Coach’s famous quotes, ‘When I am through learning, then I am through,’ illustrates his lifelong commitment to learning.

“Make everyday your masterpiece!?” I almost let the brilliance of that comment escape me. It sounds too cliché, right? “Make everyday your masterpiece.” Wow! That is super powerful. If I could only possess that type of presence, that type of awareness – to make each encounter, each moment of each day a masterpiece. In order for each day to be a masterpiece, each moment would have to be a masterpiece. By definition that is what a masterpiece is right? All pieces/component parts masterfully interwoven to produce magnificence? I ask you, just what affect would that have on my life’s outcome?
And, “Lifelong commitment to learning.” Sound familiar? Based on the above statements, I think it’s obvious why I’ve taken some time to spotlight the “Wizard of Westwood”. Certainly, a site like this, dedicated to success philosophy is going to harmonize with so many of coach’s philosophies.

Yes, the “coach” is synonymous with “Success”. In fact, you’ll recall that in “The 3 C’s of Succcess” he is referenced for his storied commitment and direct study of success as well as his 14 year refinement of his “SUCCESS PYRAMID”.

Take notice! At a relatively young age the Coach started to ASK questions — he wanted to understand SUCCESS better. In fact, he cites a story where his math teacher forced the class to consider what success meant to them. (sound familiar?) It was a profound moment in young Wooden’s life and he never forgot it. What is Success? He wondered. As a young teacher he became disillusioned by seeing the pressures and expectations certain parents put on their kids if they didn’t receive an “A” or a “B”.

Those judgments he felt were hurtful, limiting and in some cases unfair. He thought long and hard about success and what it ought to be — what the definition should be. Sound familiar? (See 3 C’s).

So, he ultimately settled on this definition believing it provides everyone equal footing. In many ways his definition is attributed to this poem which he often cites…

At God’s footstool, to confess, 
A poor soul knelt and bowed his head.
”I failed,” he cried. The master said,
”Thou didst thy best. That is success.”

Widely regarded as the best college basketball coach of all time and recently named the “Coach of the Century” by ESPN. John Wooden had a knack for cutting to the core issue, focusing on fundamentals and expertly dealing with different and difficult players – their unique personalities, star egos and all the while forging character. In short, he was a remarkable coach. His methods earned his teams unparalleled success. In 70-71,71-72 his teams went a perfect 30-0, winning back to back NCAA championships. Only a few coaches have ever had one undefeated season. In fact, during a twelve year stretch, he won an astonishing ten national championships

Here are a few quick lessons I’ve learned from his many insights:

1. Ask questions and focus upon what you want to master.
He elected to ask questions and focus on success and therefore came to know success. If you become what you think about most of the time — what better concept to focus upon, contemplate and learn about then success? He spent 14 years. YES, 14 YEARS developing a success pyramid. How many DAYS have you thought about your definition of success and its component parts?

2. Life is a TEAM Sport.
Wooden embraced diversity and worked to find all players strengths.

3. Don’t treat everyone the same.
To COACH effectively you don’t treat everyone the same. Everyone responds differently. Some require encouragement and some require increased pressure and challenge. Same goes for management.

4. Concentrate on what you can control.
Coach would never let his team’s dwell on the opposition. They remained focused on what they could control — mainly…

5. Practice Fundamentals FIRST and LAST.
He was legendary for grinding even the best players on the basics. He knew they could do fancy dunks — but could they hit a clutch free throw or bank shot when it counted? Do you know what your fundamentals are?

6. Moderate and Simplify.
Wooden exemplified this on the court and off with his simple demeanor and tremendous humility.

7. Focus on effort not the result.
Knowing that practicing fundamentals takes time, he was concerned solely with effort and commitment, understanding that success is a bi-product of said constant effort.

8. Quality Leadership and management require teaching.
Effective teaching requires coaching. Effective coaching requires caring and caring requires listening! Even today, ex-players recall his impact because he cared and took the time to listen and teach.

9. Balance is everything.
He said this often – balance in life and balance on the court. He put balance only second to LOVE. Balance is everything. “Be quick, but don’t hurry”. This, in essence, is balance; controlled action in all areas of life.

10. Love Rules.
See above. He used to say “the purpose of discipline isn’t to punish but to correct.” With love in his heart and by always seeking to measure intent and effort first, his players would quickly align with the teams goal — a national championship. They never feared or second guessed his intentions.

So, when you combine all his methods, it becomes fairly easy to see why he has been so successful on and off the basketball court.

Thank you Coach! All the best Sir! Thanks so much for your tremendous gifts — your thoughtful consideration and study of SUCCESS has no doubt made many a persons’ path more swift and assured. We are all likely to go farther faster because you have contributed so generously. We have indeed been fortunate to benefit from your wisdom.

Continued peace, health and happiness.

~MWS

Note: John Wooden passed away yesterday 6/4/10 at the age of 99. Be sure to watch this feature TED talk he gave at the age of 91 about success. RIP Coach. You’ve left us all a little wiser and we can never repay you (the way you would have wanted it- see #10 below).

TED TALK -> http://bit.ly/9ji96g (priceless wisdom coming from the Coach himself)

ESPN Glenn Liebman Fav Quotes

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“If you do the things you ought to do–when you ought to do them–the day will come when you can do the things you want to do–when you want to do them!”
~ Zig Ziglar.

Anyone can make an excuse-and many people do. You, from this point forward are different. You have the mindset that anything is achievable and that taking total responsibility for where you are right now and where you are headed is Job #1!

Making excuses–whether conscious or unconscious–may be the number-one reason for people’s poor character development, and therefore the perpetual and futile attempt to realize their ideal future – their success.

Remember this: NOTHING IS EASIER THAN MAKING EXCUSES. NOTHING IS HARDER THAN TAKING RESPONSIBILITY.

If something is hard–if it’s a challenge–you are on the right track. And, yes, that is a belief system. However, it is my direct experience that when beliefs are aligned with timeless principles; that is, where belief systems intersect with timeless principles such as, challenge creates growth – desires and dreams tend to manifest much more quickly.

In Dr. Dyer’s book “The Power of Intention” he speaks of something very similar – which is aligning your personal character traits and actions with that of the “Creator”. In the book he lists seven characteristics; creativity, love, kindness, beauty, receptivity, abundance, expansiveness. As it relates to your dreams unfolding – a critical alignment component for you is to be sure both your beliefs and character traits align with these timeless principles. I highly recommend you read this book.

Why do the Marines and other armed forces throw so much adversity; literally, difficulty after difficulty at their young recruits? Two reasons; one is to quickly identify at what starting point the cadets character is and two, because they understand that this is the quickest way to develop a stronger character.

Responsibility is where both the challenge and FUN lie! Yes, setting up a belief system to embrace challenge is an essential beginning. This is what develops and strengthens YOUR CHARACTER! (The second “C”). Start by taking 100-percent responsibility for where you are right now and where you are headed.

Are you hiding from a challenge? Are you ducking responsibility? It’s always easier to do nothing or to point fingers then assume responsibility? Recognize all growth comes from challenge and change.

It’s an over-used analogy but so true; the weight lifter increases the challenge (the weights) to build his muscles. The difference of course is his VIEW of the challenge as an exciting opportunity to increase his ability and strength. He simply views the challenge differently and embraces it. This is responsibility in its purest sense! This is the GIFT OF RESPONSIBILITY!

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“If you want a guarantee, buy a toaster.”

~Clint Eastwood

Seems we all want a guarantee these days.

Similar to the microwave ‘complex’ (post) the majority of people seem to fear failure. They seek certainty. Who can blame them? Unfortunately, the problem with certainty is it simply doesn’t exist- not in this world. Don’t take my word for it. Consider this quote straight out of Wikipedia, “It is widely held that certainty is a failed historical enterprise.” How good is that?

The absence of any certainty creates FEAR.

(Zig Ziglar acronym for FEAR is; False Evidence Appearing Real) which prevents people from trying new ideas, learning new things and often times even pursuing their dreams. Simply put, FEAR can cripple one’s ability to create their ideal future.

Fear is the path to the dark side
Fear leads to anger
Anger leads to hated
Hate leads to suffering
~Yoda

Have you ever considered what the opposite of SUCCESS is. Remember, it’s probably best to have a definition of success and preferably not some trite little slogan like “to have a lot of money and a lot of friends”. I humbly recommend you figure out that definition prior to attempting to understand its opposite. (see earlier post).

So what is failure and what is its definition? (a good question indeed) Typically, students tell me failure equals the opposite of success. But, we all wondered collectively, could that really be the opposite of success?

Consider Thomas Edison and his 10,000 + failures to develop the light bulb. Had he not “failed” so many times he wouldn’t have realized the end result – the incandescent light bulb. No, “failure” you should be VERY HAPPY to note is NOT the opposite of success.

I came upon a great answer many years back in one of my early ‘Success Skills’ classes. A wonderful Hispanic girl, I can’t recall her name, provided an answer so profound I nearly fell down. “Hopelessness” she declared with a sense of pride. I was so blown way. “That is it!” Of course, who could possibly become a success if they are hopeless? Without hope there is no possible way to succeed! And, with hope all things are possible.

I strongly encourage you to always maintain a sense of hope. Hope is both a thought and an emotion only YOU can control! Typically, when one feels hopeless they are forecasting a dismal future. They are leaving the NOW, the present moment and putting their attention and focus (even using their imagination toward an image or an outcome that is totally discouraging). The ‘reality’, of course, is they have the ability to use those same ‘mental tools’ to project from a hopeful perspective and to positively envision a victorious outcome just as they might a discouraging one.

Often times, hopelessness arises from the absence of certainty. Since we now understand certainty to be nothing more than an illusion we can feel liberated rather than discouraged! If there is no certainty – you have nothing to fear. GO FOR IT! Those who are successful are not only the people who have failed multiple times, they are the same brave souls who recognize there are no guarantees! That success is a process and failure is a requirement for success.

When one can accept these truths; that failure is a prerequisite for success and that certainty is an illusion, they are likely to find the route to success much more enjoyable and ‘arrive’ far more quickly.

You are encouraged to move forward bravely. To use your powers of imagination to aid you in the attainment of your goals and not to let fear or uncertainty prevent your from taking those critical initial steps. (see Belief Tree post below).

~MWS

P.S.  This will be the last month to download the full version of “The 3 C’s of SUCCCESS” the success ebook at no cost. The Book is going to print next month and the download version will then be abreviated. Be sure to download and share the link with your loved ones while the full copy is available at no cost.

All the best. Enjoy!

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“The best time to plant a tree was 20 years ago.
The second best time is now.” ~Chinese Proverb

There are so many young adults today completely lost. Totally disillusioned and frustrated. So many fine young men and women in their 20s, 30s, and even 40’s who’ve lost touch with the natural maturation process of personal development and personal success. These individuals seek instant gratification. They want success, and they want it now! The phrase, “paying your dues” unfortunately, doesn’t register or doesn’t apply to them . . . or so they think.

Why? I’m thinking you can go ahead and blame it on the microwave oven. Yes, the microwave oven. Think about it, these same “kids” are now adults and they’ve only known one thing — instant gratification! Need a quick meal? Pop it in the microwave. How about some leftovers – throw it in the microwave. The trusty microwave has now made the concept of “waiting” obsolete.

Consider that on some Freudian Esque level, one of our most basic needs – food (warm food) has been relegated to a 30 second episode. There are now multiple generations programmed for instant gratification.

For the last 30 years, the microwave has subconsciously programmed millions of youth to think that they can have anything right away. Whether it’s a piece of pizza or, I humbly submit to you, success!

So what happens to these poor souls? Well, so many of these individuals become frustrated when they realize that life doesn’t work like their favorite kitchen appliance. They expect that they’ll get what they want out of life when they want it. The house, the car, the fabulous career will be theirs in a few years (max). Sure, their parents’ careers may have taken 20 or even 30 years, but they knew they could do it faster and better.

Stephen Covey has a marvelous phrase for this. He calls it “The Law of the Farm.” Life is much like a farm controlled by timeless principles. You plant your ideals and your goals and then watch them grow. You just can’t rush certain things. No farmer ever “crammed” to get a crop to grow. No matter what you do, you can’t get corn to grow any faster than nature intended it to.

Yes, farming takes time. The farmer works diligently in the off months preparing the soil. He then carefully sows the seeds. The next step could then be not only the most frustrating, but also the most nerve-wracking. He must patiently allow the natural laws to take effect. Wait for the seeds to mature. But does he worry that the seeds won’t mature or bring forth the crop? No. He diligently works on the crop, day after day, and knows the fruit of his labor is assured—in due course.

And so it is with our lives and our goals. It’s not easy, and there are no shortcuts. We work for years preparing the soil for our success, and then we sow the seeds. Then comes the gestation period. We wait for those seeds to grow and our success to ripen.

The “microwave generation,” however, expects—without even recognizing it—success to be instant. They really expect instant development. They haven’t yet grasped the idea that “overnight” success—in both business and personal development—actually translates into, far more often than not, a 20-year process!

Consider what the American talk show host Monty Hall said: “Actually, I’m an overnight success. It just took 20 years.” This is why Confucius said nearly 3,000 years ago, “The best time to plant a tree was 20 years ago—the second best time is now.”

Does this mean that you won’t experience immediate improvements by following and practicing the three C’s?

Absolutely not! As soon as you start employing the ideas of the three C’s and working the exercises, you’ll discover a whole new world. You are likely to gain a greater sense of clarity about your world and your life. You’ll gain insight beyond your years. What’s more, you’ll have a working “recipe” to create immediate, positive changes throughout your life.

Will your business flourish and thrive overnight? Will your career take off overnight? Will your relationships be model relationships overnight? Probably not. Will your business, career or relationships see a dramatic change for the better within a year? Absolutely.

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All photos Flickr: Titanic by moore fun, Smooth Handle by Weeping-Willow
Harp By Canonsnapper, Shoes photo by 7-how-7

YOU need everyone’s help to become successful – to realize your ideal future (period).

Since “no one is as smart as everyone” and inter-dependence (TEAMwork) is the highest form of maturity, (see maturity continuum, 7 Habits of Highly Effective People by Stephen Covey) you will, at some point in your life – come to recognize this truth, hopefully sooner rather than later.

The great news is, everyone will make you successful much faster than no one. So, if you think you can go it alone – you’re in for a rude awakening. This is elaborated upon fully in “The 3 C’s” – a sobering lesson for me indeed!

Respectfully submitted for your review are four images (above) to be mindful of as you interact with other people (yes, relatives are people too) on a daily basis. These four images are tied to various interpersonal anecdotes which provide sage guidance and insight for you along your way to creating your ideal future.

Titanic

Simply put, has there ever been a bigger ego than the titanic? “The unsinkable ship.”

Ooops… they probably shouldn’t have called it that. Talk about catastrophe! On your personal course to success and as you interact with people – try to become a different ship, try to become the “USS Non-Ego” that is, remove your ego to enjoy stress free sailing through the waters of life. To reiterate that point, I once heard, “It’s the whale who spouts off that gets harpooned.” Both suggest the very same thing – control your ego! Ego – in nearly every instance breeds friction and if you want to get to your destination faster, smoother and with energy to spare I highly recommend you remove the your ego. The next time you are feeling the urge to boast about some great accomplishment – the next time you are feeling “unsinkable” just remember the Titanic!

Smooth Handle

“Always take hold of things by the smooth handle.” Thomas Jefferson.

Initially, the brilliance of that quote escaped me. However, if TJ is talking – probably makes sense to listen. So, upon further review, that bit of wisdom has stuck with me for the last fourteen years. I used to be a very argumentative person and I loved it! Look, I knew I was right. The best part is, I would always defend my point to the end. Looking back, this tip alone could have accelerated the realization of my goals and ideal future by a few years and I’m a little disappointed i didn’t learn that one quicker.

Always seek ways to find the smooth handle in personal relationships and, in particular when friction does arise in any particular discussion or argument just remember everyone has an opinion. As I heard a General say in an interview being questioned on Iraq,

“The great thing about and opinion is you don’t have to know anything to have one.”

So many people have gotten into the habit of arguing just for arguments’ sake. Consider that, if anyone can have an opinion and you don’t have to know anything to have one – how about just detaching – WHO CARES! Reconsider what you are arguing about. How important is it? Seems important I’m sure – I’d humbly suggest you reconsider your motives – is there ego involved? Do you really need to convince her that “meat is bad for you”. Do you really need him to know that “we’d be so much better off with nuclear power plants.” What I’ve learned to say now is – instead of arguing, “interesting, I guess that is what makes the world go round.” Truly, when you can embrace the diversity and detach from the opinions and an argumentative state – you will be grabbing things by the “smooth handle” as TJ recommended.

HARMONY

Has there ever been a greater band than the Beatles? (good job, that is an opinion – so let it go). The point isn’t whether the Beatles were the greatest band – really, but for purposes of illustration would like you to consider they were one of the most harmonious bands ever. Literally, phenomenal harmonies. So what? So, this is the learning image for us to consider (us visual learners) Harmony – harmony in ALL affairs. I just recently heard a brilliant young entrepreneur speak about the greatest danger to any company – particularly a startup is internal friction. Seeking harmony – finding harmony in all relationships goes a long way to ensure your individual success and that of your team or company.

OLD SHOE

Finally, there’s the old shoe. Is there anything better, more comfortable and inviting than the old shoe? Consider all you’ve been through together. They don’t say too much. They don’t talk behind your back, they are just there for you when you need them. They are easy to put on (frictionless) and they are highly reliable. Norman Vincent Peal wrote about his in The Power of Positive Thinking. When you have become the old shoe to other people, that is; easy to be around, comfortable, trustworthy, reliable and non-threatening, you will have strengthened your interpersonal skills putting you on the fast track to creating your ideal future.

BON VOYAGE

So there you have it, four images intended to aid you in your interpersonal dealings and relationships. It was said earlier but is worth repeating, you will need everyone’s help to realize your ideal future – your success. Ego creates friction and friction prevents you from arriving at your destination and goals either on time or altogether. As Lao Tzu put it thousands of years ago, “The softest things in the world overcome the hardest things in the world,” recognize that you don’t have to fight, argue, bully to get your way. Slow is fast when you are dealing with people as Mr. Covey points out and, you can only be efficient with things and effective with people.

So, in order to advance most rapidly toward your success, you will find many a time that it’ll make sense to take a step back in your old shoes while listening to The Beatles and grabbing the smooth handle on the “USS Non-Ego”.

To your continued smooth sailing… enjoy.

~MWS

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Words of wisdom all around
but no one ever seems to listen
They talk about their plans on the paper
Building up from the pavement
mm hm
there’re shadows from the scrapers on the pavement
mm hm
It’s enough to make me sigh
but that don’t seem like it would make it feel better
The words are all around
but the words are only sounds
and no one ever seems to listen
~ Jack Johnson “Traffic in the Sky”

Do you have a definition of success?
I’ve taught hundreds of students for over five years. Every time I ask this simple question: “Who wants to be successful?” every single person raises his hand. At this point, I actually have inverted the question to simply be, “who does NOT want to be successful.” Just to verify that not a single person will raise their hand. Obviously, it is unanimous, EVERYONE WANTS TO BE SUCCESSFUL. This of course is where the “fun” begins…

Then, I ask them to define success.

Can you say dear in the headlights… pretty much a room full of blank stares. The students kind of squirm in their seats, perhaps a little concerned I might pin them down and actually ask them for their definition.

Wild isn’t it? Throughout the years, I’ve discovered that only about 3% of my students actually have a working definition of success.

You may have noticed this too? Everyone wants to be successful, yet, how many have defined it?

There seems to be lots of people searching high and low for “answers”- for “shortcuts” to this elusive “success.” You’ve seen the headlines and the advertisements, no doubt:

“Be Outrageously Happy in Three Easy Steps”
“Seven Secrets to Riches”
“Be the Success You’ve Always Dreamed Of”

The crazy thing is . . . if you ask them what “success” truly is they – just like 97 percent of my students — would probably be at a loss for words.

Try it sometime. Ask someone to define “success” for you. You’ll probably be received with a blank stare. If not, you’ll get some vague definition that sounds something like:

“Success is waking up with a smile on my face.”
“Success is knowing that someone loves me.”

Now, this brings me to the question of the day: How in the world can YOU hit a target when YOU can’t see it . . . or worse yet, does not even exist?

Creating your personal definition of success

Welcome to Exercise #1. You guessed it! Time for you to write out your definition of success!

Think about it. It seems only logical that the first step to success is to at least to resolve in your mind what exactly success is. What it ought to look and feel like! You must first have a definition for it if you plan to attain it!

Ideally, your definition of success should be no longer than two or three sentences. In fact, the shorter the definition, the better. One time I asked a person to give me his personal definition of success. He gave me a description a mile long. “Success,” he said, “is when I’m happy, my dog is fed and when my girlfriend is happy and we have a lot of money and no financial worries.”
what!? – why not just add when the cat is sleeping and the baby isn’t crying!

I could probably fill several posts here on success theory alone. However, for now, what is most important is to identify an acceptable definition – one that has stood the test of time. Here, humbly submitted for your consideration is the one I teach in every class…

SUCCESS = CREATING YOUR IDEAL FUTURE.

Be sure to leave comments and share your thoughts. Really looking forward to some quality success definitions posted here. Let’s see it!

cheers!

~ Mitch W. Steel

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