“Show me a good loser and I’ll show you a loser.” ~Vincent Lombardi

“Always turn a negative situation into a positive situation.” ~Michael Jordan

My morning run typically ends at a park. Given that summer has just started more than a few dozen kids can be found running around and playing on any given morning. In between sets, (pushups/pullups) I notice that seemingly everywhere kids are competing; racing on foot, racing on bikes (one tiny kid had a bike that didn’t even have peddles and was racing!) everywhere I looked kids were playing tag, soccer, etc. Then, it spilled out of my mouth; jaw dropped, ipod blaring in my ears, “duh, (i said to me) competition IS natural.”

News flash! It’s human nature to compete. However, somewhere between when I was six years old and my daughter turned six we became “NICE”. You know, no winners and no losers. “Don’t worry Jimmy, just feel good.” Sarah, (who scored 3 goals) looks confused as we explain why she didn’t actually win. “there are no winners Sarah.”

While there are many larger societal challenges at the moment this one is on my radar. When and WHY did we decide we could reverse thousands of years of competitive evolution and teach kids NOT to compete? Does anyone think Sarah really believes there are no winners? Who thinks the Olympic games are going to disappear anytime soon? Guess what, kids know better instinctively.

Our attempts to shelter our kids from this NATURAL and very REAL existence of competition (yes, there are actually winners and losers) is doing them a disservice and I think our collective good intentions are misdirected. First, it’s the wrong message. we shouldn’t be telling them there are no winners or losers. We should be teaching them and coaching them about HOW to compete, HOW to win, and yes, HOW to lose and even WHY competition is healthy and positive.

Breeds excellence

I’m pretty sure we all recognize competition literally breeds excellence. Is there an ugly side to competition? You bet. However, what we may be missing with each great LOSS is the lesson. Somebody once said,”when you lose, don’t lose the lesson.”

BTW: A “good” loser is really the opposite of Lombardi’s quote above. Let me explain. Lombardi is saying show me a loser who is “good” = used to and accepts losing and I’ll show you a “real” loser. That’s is entirely different from what a truly “GOOD” loser is. In fact, a good loser is Michael Jordan for instance. Yes. Pick yourself up off the floor.

“What!?” you declare “Jordan is one of the greatest winners on the planet! He has six championship rings” You retort. Correct. And how do you think he got that way? Via many, (in fact a lifetime) of loses… Never forget the road to Winnersville is paved by painful and bumpy stones and loses.

Why do you think Jordan’s quote is up above as well? A “GOOD” loser as he points out ( again, he’s the best there was) is a tough minded-optimist who does NOT like to lose (can’t stand losing) and is able to take the lessons (learn from the lessons) from any loss to become a winner. He did that pretty well I’d say. Indeed, this is the only way anyone becomes a “winner” via losing. In fact, there is no such thing as a winner – only a good loser who became a winner.

This is why telling our kids there is no loser is, dare i say, pretty stupid. Learn from losing PARENTS! Teach your kids the lessons. Good parenting is Good Coaching. (Can’t wait to see that bumper sticker). Good parenting is good coaching.

Competition is far better for the loser in my estimation than the winner, given the correct mindset. What is the correct mindset? Losing is temporary. Just like winning is and just like life is. In the context of time we can appreciate the ephemeral nature of any lose and find the lesson. See Churchill below. Your life(time) is dynamic and not a static event. How many times has the failed Olympian rallied back after losing in a prior Olympic games? I think we have all heard the story about Jordan’s INABILITY to make his high school basketball team.

A tough minded LOSER ensures a healthy champion. Unless this is the Serengeti and we’re dealing with lions and antelope losing has a transcendent nature and therefore can afford us fantastic benefits.

How are your recent loses affecting you? Are they beating you down or firing you up?

It’s never been about the one with the raw talent that becomes the very best. It’s always about the one with a chip on their shoulder (something to prove, most importantly to themselves) spurred by past loses, failures, humiliations. The one who challenges themselves and positively changes their internal chemistry for ultimate success.

life is a process… winning is a process…. losing is a prerequisite.

THE REAL LESSON
Success is not final, failure is not fatal: it is the courage to continue that counts. ~Winston Churchill

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“Whether you think you can or you can’t,  you are right.”

~Henry Ford

This quote, in my estimation, may be Ford’s best invention. Perhaps, even better than his invention of the automobile for mass production.

It explains succinctly, and yet very accurately, the vital role of BELIEF in the workings of your life. You simply can’t be successful in any endeavor if you don’t first start with the proper mindset – a belief in your ultimate success.

Yes, your mindset – how you view the world and your place within it -and your belief “system” (related paradigm) control your ability to reach your intended target. And, here’s the kicker–FROM THE VERY START!

Our core beliefs fall into two MASTER categories which are not unlike the core underlying “boot” records in computer terminology – which are called Master Boot Records.

(excerpt “SUCCCESS, The 3 C’s”, The Success eBook by Mitch W. Steel) If we follow that analogy and apply it to our belief systems – we have essentially two Master Belief Records (MBRs) that affect our lives and determine our ultimate destiny. These would be 1) Our Self-Belief Record “SBR” (essentially, self-esteem) and 2) Our External Belief-Record “EBR”. That is, how you regard everything you encounter external to your self.

The successful person recognizes the power of these two beliefs – she becomes aware of their importance and how to manipulate them to her advantage. She understands that how she views herself – her SBR, essentially sets her level of achievement and what she deems achievable in her life. Similarly, her EBR determines how she views her external world (friendly or oppressive) and this too begins to define her place in that world and what she is likely to experience in her external world.

Possessing the awareness to recognize that you are the only one who establishes and sets up your Master Belief Records which then ultimately define your life’s outcome- is an essential first step to setting up the “rules” that allow you to “WIN” or “Lose” the game of life. The great news is, should you come to recognize your Master Belief Records are not currently setup in a fashion that allows you to win – you have the ability to reset them anytime you’d like!

Consider that the world offers us countless examples of people who, as they must, self-actualize their Master Belief Records – their core belief systems. These two critical existential vantage points- how people view themselves and how they view the world – literally control and direct the manifestation of everything they are able to realize – including their success.

Here again, the simple reveals the profound. If I believe people are not going to help me become successful – what type of people might I expect to see in my life? If I think people are always looking to take advantage of me? What type of people might I expect to see in my life? If I’m concerned people only want my money and aren’t interested in being my friend – what type of people might I see in my life? In each case I’ve directed my ATTENTION and FOCUS in a way that makes “winning” the game near impossible.

Yes, your Master Belief Records affect everything!

If I were to setup my external MBR with its most fundamental “root” belief – “people are selfish”. This leads to the sub-binary belief then that people are not likely to help me when I need it most or perhaps when I’m looking for a job. As you can see – this establishes a “game” that is nearly un-winnable or at the very least – makes it extremely hard to win.

Our beliefs allow us to arrange the associated thoughts in a fashion that makes “winning” possible or impossible. It is your choice.

Above, you’ve seen a simple diagram to help illustrate this binary relationship. It is literally called the “GAME TREE” – and demonstrates how a software programmer has offered the binary consequences within the game-program. In other words, what a winning set of binary combinations (decisions/choices) might be. These binary beliefs either setup the player to win or lose. Or, in our case, to realize her ideal future or not.

Whether we know it or not, as we establish our Master Belief Records they then generate sub beliefs which all eventually lead us down a path that is either a successful outcome or one filled with disillusionment and frustration.

Sadly, so many people actually start this “game” of life- believing they don’t have a shot. Or, more accurately, through continued “failures” and disappointments- become disillusioned and then create self-defeating Master Belief Records. The successful people though are those who believe (and this is the kicker) that life is a “winnable” game from the outset!

So, is this life a winnable “game”?

You tell me.

——————-
PS: just noted from John Lennon’s Dream #9
“There’s magic in the air…
I Believe, I Believe…
more I can not say
so, what more can I say?”

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